I’m scared. Not scared of someone, or the dark, or the monster under my bed, but scared because I have the responsibility of taking care of my sister valerie while my family is camping out taking care of michelle in the hospital.

Michelle having intestinal surgery was one of the roughest things my family has been through. Seeing her little body hooked up to 15 different wires really shook me up and reminded me of my uncle before he passed. I don’t know how to react to it so I rely on comedy, and trying to cheer others up. Now I’m taking care of Valerie in the big ole house, making sure she gets to bed, ate dinner, did home work, brushed her teeth, and even making sure she gets on the bus tomorrow safely for school. All b myself. This frightens me. What if I’m doing something wrong, or not doing enough? I need to grow up quick and make sure I take a load of my mom.. But yet I still don’t even know how to take care of myself.

After yelling at y dad yesterday, telling him I was sick of his selfish ways and I wanted to move in with my mom, he rejects my phone calls and has left me. I tried to apologize but yet he refuses to talk to me. I regret yelling at him and arguing with him the way I did, but I don’t not regret the thins I said.
I still remember being little, and my parents taking care of me. Making sure I was okay, ready for school, ready for the day and protecting me from harms way. Now I’m here, protecting my little sister and acting like her mom, basically. But yet I have no one to protect me… And I know this sounds selfish but I crave for someone to just hug me and tell me everything will be alright. Someone to take care of me, instead of people assuming I can take care of myself.
I’m scared my sister won recover.
Im scared someone will get me and Valerie while we are here alone.
I’m scared that I’ll loose my mind.

I feel so alone. I have friends who are willing to talk to me, but no one fully understands. I don’t even understand. For once I’d love to be a normal teenager and worry about other things, but I can’t. I put my trust in God that everything will be okay, but what if He too, has abandoned me?

I’m just scared.